Peripeteia.

You know you have changed when you look back at the past few years of your life and muse about how you sailed through the happy times, and feel proud about getting past stubborn obstacles.

Looking back, I think I've become desensititized. I hardly feel anymore, my heart has gone cold to everything around me. I know that it is the worst thing that can ever happen to me, but I'm not doing a single thing.

Heart gone cold.

Do you know how scary it is to not feel anything sometimes?
It scares me cause I know I'm in big trouble with the Lord, and I'm sadly not doing anything about it.

I feel like I'm screwing myself inside out.

I just want to hibernate and sleep my desensitization period away and wake up feeling enthusiastic about life and about my God. I don't mind dying now because the world has seriously nothing to offer. I want God to take me away and put me as a sweeper in heaven. I don't mind, I just want to escape out of this distant and meaningless world.

Dear God,

I'm really sorry that my heart has gone cold. Please forgive me because without You, I'm nothing. That's what I have been for the past 16 years and 10 months. Please help me to find You, hold on tight and never let You go.

Amen